I wasn’t even supposed to be running today.

I had some kind of miscommunication in my brain this morning. After my coffee my brain said, Go change. You’re going running. I was nervous: it’s a level up week. But I change, cue up The Lincoln Lawyer, and coat myself in sunblock. I wore my hair dye stained white tank because it’s already ruined, what’s a little sweat.

I was late for my one scheduled call. I phoned them on my last leg, my house within sight.

And then when my call was over, I looked at my schedule and it said Yoga: 30 mins.

Well, damn.

I don’t run on Mondays. I run Tuesday, Thursdays, and Saturdays. But to be honest, getting myself to do any activity the last few days has been a struggle. I’m glad I went and I am glad I leveled up.

I ran/walked 12 minutes/1 min (3xs). Again, I am faces with the hill dilemma. I found myself running into a gully knowing that I was just going to have to ran right out of it. But I reminded myself, You don’t get better at hills by avoiding hills.

But then I had another thought… I often tell myself that I have to go hard — all those fitspo inspo mantras like: Go Hard or Go Home.

Isn’t that just another form of self-sabotage? I have been working so hard this time about not killing myself, not worrying about speed, only focusing on endurance. I see my shadow on the ground as I work my way up the hill. I know I’m not running as much as I am shuffling. I know I could walk it faster. Going slow is a mind game and it gets me closer to being able to run for a full 30 minutes. Endurance over speed. I’ll start working on Speed at the end of September.