I was sitting at my desk on a Friday afternoon. My desk is located in my bedroom next to the bed where my husband was dozing. I announced, “I am so hungry for something that I don’t even know if it exists.” 
     He grumbled, “That’s a problem.”
     It is.
     I am 42 years old who struggles with depression. I cope through consumption, primarily food. I have done this my entire life. I eat to deal with any shift in my emotions-- happy, sad, stressed, angry, tired, whatever. If I am feeling, I am eating. 
     I have tried all the diets. Sometimes I make smart food choices. Sometimes I made horrible food choices. It doesn’t matter because it’s still a coping mechanism. 
     So what is this thing I am hungry for? 
     That’s for me to discover. Or perhaps, it’s the thing I need to let go of it.
     In the meantime, I need a space to process this journey of developing strategies so I don’t use food as my coping mechanism. I have to learn to feel the feelings without covering them up with food. 

• This is a holistic journey, not a weight loss journey. I don’t consume supplements or products designed for quick fixes.

• I have a therapist. Her name is Tara. She’s awesome. That area is covered.

• I have a diet. It’s Weight Watchers. I need the structure. I prefer to consume whole foods instead of processed food.

• I run for fitness. I like running. I am not very fast, but it brings me joy. Same with yoga. I love how I feel when I walk out of a yoga studio. I have no interest in other sports. 

• I have a Ph.D. in literature. I am not associated with the health and wellness field in any way. I know nothing. I should not be trusted for advice. I am not that kind of doctor.

• I don’t really endorse things. I have no affiliates. If I mention an item or a product, it’s only because it is something that has appeared in my life. I am not promoting it. 

     I am documenting a journey. If you too are on a journey, I would love to hear from you. Look for me @runcrazyrabbit on Twitter or @runcrazyrabbit on Instagram.